The Battle of the Broken

My morning routine is completely hijacked as I receive a short video clip from one of my clients.  Immersed in the weightiness of the lyrics, a lump forms in my throat.  I immediately stop what I am doing and search online for the entire song.  

Why is healing so hard?

And why does numb feel like my only friend?

‘Cause when I swallow my scars

Then I don’t have to feel it all again

I’m so tired of tearing the trauma back open

Am I better off, better off broken?

Written by Jake Seguro and Juan Rivero, “Better Off Broken” is one of many powerfully and painfully inspired pieces performed by the band Citizen Soldier. According to the band’s official website, “Citizen Soldier was born in 2016 when frontman Jake Seguro penned the lyrics to Let It Burn from a psychiatric hospital.” Jake’s music is not only inspired by his life experiences but also by his practice as a clinical therapist.

Honestly, it's been a bit since I’ve cried.  Music has a way of evoking emotion. I grieve for those sweet souls who continue to plod forward despite how much life has left them tattered.

Opening up old wounds so that they can properly heal is anything but comfortable. This daunting task sometimes hits close to home. I know because I have been in that place of brokenness and desperation. 

The ache goes deep, deeper than anyone could ever imagine, and it is natural to shut down in order not to fall apart.  Numb is far preferable to the horror of reliving such agony.  Avoidance is both protection and destruction.  

Healing waits on the other side of hell.  I am proud of those souls who bravely cross that battleground, even if they only get there one tiny step at a time.

In “Am I Better Off Broken” Seguro and Rivero express sentiments that are real and raw and demand a response. They eloquently voice the words of those with whom I sit in silence who contemplate “going there.”

Please take the 3 minutes and 44 seconds to soak in this ballad and see what it evokes for you.